Quiet

QuietQuiet.  It is a new experience, here in this small little house.  Quiet.  No singing, no chatter, no laughter or complaints or “mom!” from across the hall.  Just quiet.

These last three weeks are the longest we’ve ever been apart.  Coming up on 11 years, and I’ve been present for almost every single day.  And now, quiet.

Divorce is hard.  It’s messy, draining, humbling, shameful, liberating, and upending all at once.  We’ve done the hard work; striving for amicability.  Dividing pennies, possessions, and plans.  Laying out a road map for where we are hoping to get in the future, though we now have so much less clarity on how to get there.

Dismantling a life is difficult enough; but how do you share a being?  Parse out the moments you cling to while calendaring your time together and apart?  Watching the days spread into weeks, into months.  Knowing you should be savoring the uniqueness of space, but unable to fill the empty shadow with anything but the memory of a shimmering sound.

It’s consistently baffling.  I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.

The quiet.

One comment on “Quiet

  1. Amy Jane Small says:

    April, so been where you are. My world has always revolved around my children so when they were with their dad, I had no idea what to do. They were my entire life and I was at a loss for who I was as a person without them, if only for a short period. I was also afraid of the quiet; as noise & doings of the kids was music to my ears, not silence. Over time I learned to get to know me as a person and the things I never knew I loved doing. It is tough, but it gets better. Hang in there and don’t give up, the quiet will grow on you & you will truly learn to appreciate it. Xxxx, now has 2 happy homes with a loving happy parent in each one. She has the best of both worlds. ♡ ~Amy
    P.S. you could write more!! I love reading your articles 🙂

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